It was 12 years ago on the Saturday just been that my mum passed away.
Every year is one year closer to the age that she was when she died. Mortality is a funny thing, I fear death and yet I still struggle to implement the steps I should be to make sure I stay as healthy as I can to prevent (or in an attempt to prevent) a repeat of the breast cancer cycle sneaking in and making me another victim.
Some people have an easier relationship with the idea of death than I do and yet, the fear isn’t enough. I lose myself in the mayhem of life with two young children and a full time job. I struggle to fit it all in, the healthy eating, the exercise. I lack motivation from just simply having too much going on (blogging was certainly not an easy addition and really has quite the opposite effect on rectifying this!) but I realise that I need to get my priorities in order and start being more organised.
In many ways I am good at being organised – when it comes to work, packing the boys nappy bag in preparation for going to their Nana’s each morning, following a routine. But in others I completely and utterly drop the ball.
I am the worst dinner planner out and end up scrounging for ‘easy’ meals at least three times a week after forgetting to get anything out of the freezer.
I hate it until I am actually doing it and then it isn’t all that bad (given I leave the kids at home, if I take them with me then it usually is that bad), but not doing it frequently enough or putting it off means fresh produce is sorely lacking much of the time. For my husband and I anyway, I make the boys dinners in advance and that is usually more veges per meal time than I have in an entire week!
Again, I suck and often find myself desperately making Anzac biscuits or Pikelets late at night as C’s kindy has a no peanuts and ‘nothing containing traces of peanuts’ policy which counts out pretty much 99% of processed foods so I need to bake/cook his lunches.
Finding the time and prioritising it into my schedule.
Of course, all of these things are actually mega important to ensure I actually have energy to achieve all that I need to do! Who can be motivated when they’re flat and tired? I need to change this because it’s a vicious cycle.
On the other hand:
And yet, I know this but haven’t fixed it. Why? Why is it so hard to kick ourselves up the ass and into action. I have so many excuses but really I just struggle to break out of the tired/lazy phase (and winter certainly contributes to that). Cold rainy windy weather does not inspire me to exercise (excuses, excuses!). But as another year passes, the uneasy feeling of creeping ever closer to when my mum was diagnosed with cancer lurks in the recesses of my mind. And after having an op for suspected Endometriosis and having that confirmed, I need to start looking after my health better.
Time to break the cycle.
Here’s what I am going to do:
- Stop at the supermarket for fruit and veg in the morning on a Monday (preparation for the work week) and more frequently for home shopping.
- Start walking every morning to work instead of being dropped at the door (20-40 minutes dependant on weather). Rain, hail or shine! Ok, maybe not hail or storms … but drizzle I can do … I’m not a saint!
- Take a supplement (maybe unpopular but I’m a sucker for how they at least fool me into thinking I am feeling more energised!)
- A meal plan – I need a meal planner! I need to make one. Maybe I’ll make it into a free printable to share – that might motivate me!
- Earlier bedtime – I muck around too much at night and never end up in bed till at least 10pm and I’m up at 5am so this is important because clearly there is a huge connection between being exhausted and unmotivated.
- Clear the shit out of my house. I did the biggest declutter last year but the stuff just creeps back in again till I’m back to square one. And my house is teeny. Tiny. Teeny.
What do you do when you feel your life start to spiral out of control?
Linking up with #IBOT @ Essentially Jess