10 Truths About Little Boys

10-Truths

As an all boy mum with two little boys, I am quickly discovering that the tales told to me by my friends and family about the antics of little boys are frighteningly accurate.

Not to say that girls don’t do some of these things, I can’t say I have any experience of what little girls are like aside from some very sketchy memories of my own childhood but that’s not to say they don’t!

However, here are my Top 10 Truths About Little Boys speaking from firsthand experience!

1. THEY HAVE NO AIM WHEN IT COMES TO PEEING

Toilet

My 3 year old started off so well with toilet training. I bragged about his perfect aim and how he was just so attentive in holding it in just the right position to avoid his pee going anywhere but in the toilet bowl.

Then he got complacent and just plain lazy! Now I am constantly saying ‘You need to hold it!’ (This when he lets go and starts trying to pull stickers off the toilet training sticker chart on the wall). This usually requires a full change of pants, socks and toilet mat. Another is when they are peeing and they hear their name/a commotion/anything and turn around to see what is happening mid flow. Or the latest is the flick. Flicking the pee around the bowl to see where it lands. Boys are gross. And on that note …

2. THEY HAVE A GROSS FASCINATION WITH BODILY FUNCTIONS

No matter how many bribes we try – a trip to McDonalds (this is usually a winner!), park visits, toys, pretty much anything really that comes to mind; we cannot get Master 3 to do number 2’s on the toilet.

He is fully toilet trained for wees (putting aside the fact half of it lands on the floor, the key thing here is he doesn’t wet himself) but poos are a whole other story. He waits until he has a nappy on at night before he will go. I would far rather that than the alternative of doing it in his undies, however the latest thing is to come into the lounge after bedtime to announce at the top of his lungs ‘I have a big problem. I have done a big pooey bum and the colour is brown!’. Then while changing he excitedly asks ‘What colour is it?! Is it brown?!’. Enough said.

Did I mention boys are gross yet?

3. THEY ARE AS TEMPERAMENTAL AS LITTLE GIRLS

Cohen-nearly-3-years

Whoever said that little boys are less moody than girls lied to you. Some of you may be lucky like I was with my first. My second – not so much. He is moody as hell. He is by no stretch of the imagination a morning person. At night he is my bright and cheerful little boy, by morning he has had a complete transformation. Our morning conversations go like this:

‘Good morning!’
‘I want a bottle!’
‘I’ll get it for you in a minute’
*Insert tears and wailing* ‘Bottle mummy’
‘I’m getting it’
Busy in the kitchen getting his bottle that is really a bottle with a sippy cup lid but meh, still a bottle. I heat it in the microwave.
‘Mummy, not hot enough!’
Put back in.
‘Too hot!’
Go down to the lounge where he has to have a particular couch to have his bottle (heaven forbid his brother is on it) and we must carry his bottle down for him, he won’t carry it himself. After the tears that follow upon finding his brother on ‘his’ couch and being forcibly removed we have the next bottle battle.
I send my husband down to the lounge with said bottle.
‘Wahhhhhh! No daddy bottle! Mummy bottle!’
Flat out refuses to take it from daddy. I go down and stand right next to my husband who hands me the bottle which I then hand to him. Of course he happily takes it now cos ya know, it’s logical and all.
He takes a sip.
‘No want bottle!’
Bottle goes flying across the room. So I pick it up and say ‘Ok, no bottle today’
He starts wailing ‘No, my bottle mummy!!! I want my bottle!’
So I give it back. And he drinks it.

Sometimes we add a battle in there over blankets (he wants one, he doesn’t want one, he doesn’t want THAT one), shoes (not those shoes! Other shoes! No, those shoes!) and jackets (only daddy can do up the zipper, oh no today it’s mummy! No, daddy do it).

One morning I had a realisation: My son is me before my morning coffee.

My 2 year old needs a warm milk like I need my caffeine, then all is right in the world.

As for the older child, he delivered this one to me the other morning after running to the car in the pouring rain. I said to him ‘That was exciting wasn’t it!’ To which he replied ‘No, it was boring’.

Ok then.

So you thought by having a boy/boys you got to avoid the moodiness? Think again.

4. THEY ARE CHEEKY BUGGERS

Cheeky little boy

Half the time I don’t even know where the cheek comes from but boy once they know how to talk you are in for some real pearlers!

I tried for aaaaages on Sunday to get my 2 year old to settle down for an afternoon nap and I said to him ‘Shut your eyes’ and he replies with a smirk ‘Shut your mouth’ while smacking his lips together and laughing gleefully.

little boys being naughty

The other morning I was alerted to light pouring into the hallway from the lounge in the dead hours of the night. So I got up to investigate and found this (yes, I went and grabbed the camera!). It was 1.30am. He smiles at me and announces ‘I play Peppa Pig mummy!’ like that is a completely legitimate reason to be up in the middle of the night, climbing up shelves to get to the tablet and then easily figuring out how to get into the game he wanted to play.

*In hindsight I should really add ‘climbing’ to this list because bloody hell will they give you a heart attack climbing up EVERYTHING and launching off, often head first and with no sense of height or danger. Keep that in mind.

5. THEY MANIPULATE YOU NO END

After multiple attempts to get my 3 year old into his own bed one night (he has taken a liking to hopping in ours lately and been returned swiftly) I felt a presence next to my bed again around 10pm.

‘I didn’t listen to you mummy. I’m sorry’
‘Why didn’t you listen to me Cohen?’
‘Because my best friend’
‘Who’s your best friend?’
‘You are mummy! YOU are my best friend!’
‘Aww, you’re my best friend too Cohen!’
‘Yeah, so don’t be grumpy. You grumpy mummy, you need to be happy!’
‘Im not grumpy’
‘Yes, you being grumpy makes me sad’
‘I’m not grumpy, you just need to sleep in your own bed’
‘Oh come on mummy, give me a break! I need you. You my best friend. You and me and you!’
‘You still need to go to your own bed Cohen’
‘But mummy. I need you. I love you so much! I need cuddles’

Yes. He ended up in my bed.

They know what they are doing and you are being played! Don’t fall for it like I do!

6. THEY WILL GO THROUGH A NO PANTS STAGE

It’s pretty cold over here at the moment, nothing like those areas of the world who enjoy the smattering of snow that winter brings with it, but cold nevertheless! Too cold to be naked from the waist down but that doesn’t seem to phase my two year old who will NOT keep his pants or socks on.

Luckily I have been smart enough to continue the trend of button under body suits so we have yet to have nappy removal as part and parcel with this phase, but why one would want to walk around pantless is beyond me. There is hope though, C is the opposite and hates being naked unless he is in the bath, then he instantly wants a ‘blanket’ (towel) wrapped around him and socks on at all times. Finicky they are. Still, from talking to other mums, removal of pants seems to be the overwhelming trend majority where boys are concerned.

Pretty sure this continues into adulthood when copious amounts of alcohol are consumed. Males and nakedness seem to go hand in hand.

7. THEY CAN SQUEAL JUST AS LOUDLY AND HIGH PITCHED AS ANY LITTLE GIRL

Ha! I always thought this was something we could avoid but no. Just no. You’ll see if you haven’t already!

8. THEY START YOUNG ON THE SNORING FRONT

They snore. Loudly. Not only that, they can switch off and go to sleep anywhere, anytime. Like men fall asleep on the couch (show me a man who doesn’t!) it seems to be a special function built into them that us girls missed out on, like an off switch that clicks in when they start to overheat from excessive, non stop movement. And sometimes in the most uncomfortable positions ever as pictured below, almost like the batteries just run out suddenly mid play. Especially in my youngest which was actually kinda awesome!
Sleep
So … comfy?
Sleep
Zonked

9. NO TWO ARE THE SAME

I should know, I have two little boys with blonde hair and blue eyes but that’s where the similarities end. A perfect example was a recent car conversation one morning on the way to Nana’s house:
 

Me: Boys, stop fighting or I might crash the car.
C: No mummy, don’t crash! You can’t crash!
F: Crash the car! Pleeeeease mummy! Crash it!
C: No mummy, don’t crash (getting upset)
F: Pleeeease! Crash the car mummy! Pretty please!

Yep, totally different … then we get home that night and before I know it I turn around and they are having a sword fight armed with the tongs and the potato masher.

Different … yet somehow the same.

10. THEY LOVE THEIR MUMS AND YOU WILL LIVE WITH ENDLESS AFFECTION

Prepare to be climbed all over, slobbered and hugged to death. And then wrestled to the ground and jumped on.

And this my friends is why I live on these! 

Nectar of the Gods.

coffee to survive
And the saviour of mothers worldwide!

If you have little boys, are they like this? Can you relate? Do you live on coffee to survive the mayhem?

If you liked this post then you will probably really enjoy my related posts:

 Child vs Parent: Things Children Will Destroy and 10 Phases of Toddlerdom 

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96 thoughts on “10 Truths About Little Boys

    1. I think that about sums it up too Luisa, in my post I wrote earlier in the year about whether boys or girls were easier, that seemed to be the general consensus! I think that is one of my posts linked at the bottom of this one if you are interested in having a read 🙂

  1. So true! Except my son will not go to sleep in weird places, or just switch off. He is very much like me in that way…..only sleeps in his bed. Now, I would like to know why you have tongs and a potato masher in your car? Or were you talking about when they were at home?
    Kelly recently posted…EXCUSES, EXCUSESMy Profile

    1. Oh my god Kelly, you just made me snort with laughter! Of course not in the car! Hahaha. Although, not a bad idea for entertainment on a long road trip 😉

      1. Ahhh! I see. I read it wrong. Sorry. But it would be fine if you have kitchen utensils in your car…..I won’t judge you…..much.
        Saw this post on #brilliantblogposts too. xo
        Kelly recently posted…EXCUSES, EXCUSESMy Profile

        1. I ‘may’ have edited it after you said that just to clarify but ya know, you can just carry on believing you read it wrong if you like! Hehe. Yep, I think I saw it on one of your posts so thought I would check it out, I’m always on the look out for new link ups and new blogs to read (though I confess I have my favourites, one of which may or may not be you depending on your judgement of said utensils in car). :p

  2. This is such a great post! I have a three year old boy and you had me giggling because it’s all so true. I avoid the pee all over the floor by continuing to get him to sit down!

    1. Oh how I wish I could make him sit! He decided he had to stand after one week of toilet training! A WEEK! I was so gutted because I knew that meant more mess, though it does make impromptu toilet stops on the side of the road much easier!

    1. That’s because it is totally a universal requirement for all males to be born with these traits built into them. How old are your boys? I popped over to your blog and see they must be driving you to drink. Me too. I feel ya 😉

    1. Dreading it? Just think of the peace that will come with that though! Haha. You might be ready for that by then and you’ll be all ‘Ok son, just go to your room, no problem! See ya later!’ as you put your feet up and relax. Maybe 🙂

  3. Oh I love this post! and how funny and SO darn cute are those photos of them sleeping ha ha! So adorable.
    I have two daughters, I can relate to some of them!

    I’d love a little boy though 🙂

    1. The dreaded heads up, when you read what you don’t want to know! I LOVE telling my friends these things when they are pregnant with their first son. It makes my day a little brighter. Is that evil? Haha. Are your boys close in age too?

    1. Thanks Stacey! My friend said the same thing when she had a boy after a girl. I believe her words were ‘Haidee, you were so right. My son wants to break his neck diving off the sofa, just like you said he would’. Hehe.

  4. yet watch them in the playground and no where near as bitchy as girls. I am in awe that in year 1 some of the girls in my daughters class are like nasty 16 year old…they seem to constantly have fights and then be best friends again. The boys were always ‘you’re here, you’ll do’…
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted…First of the Month Fiction – JulyMy Profile

    1. Thanks for the compliment! I’m sure to a mum of all girls it would be quite fascinating to hear the ‘other side’ as it were! I’m still learning!

    1. Haha! I have my two boys plus the husband, a male cat and a male dog and then I go to work and have three male workmates. I’m surrounded by the male species!

  5. Impressive they pee standing up so young. N’s only just started standing indoors at age 4.5ye, and I think it’s helped him being a bit older. So far no pee outside of the toilet, apart from once the other day, when he said he’d been flicking his willy dry ‘like daddy does’. Grr.

    Love the snoring photos. It is so true – boys will just stopewhere they fall.

    #brillblogposts
    Emma T recently posted…Fairy trails and barefoot walk at Trentham GardensMy Profile

    1. My 2.5 year old has yet to be toilet trained (joy!) but I trained my older son after he turned 3 and he caught on super fast. He was standing within a week of being trained and that was that. I think he saw the boys at kindy and daddy and just declared that was how it was done and refused to sit.

      Funny on the flick! Not do much where cleaning is concerned though!

  6. I found you on #TheList. Great list! My baby is only 9 months and he’s already a cheeky bugger. Your list gives me idea of what to look forward to.

    1. Oh dear, cheeky at 9 months! I call that a Finn baby (my youngest). Prepare for a real handful! Equal parts hilarious and infuriating!

  7. My boy is about to turn 2 and is doing a lot of these things – right now we’re going through a no pants phase, and he squeals like a little pig sometimes! Toilet training is next on the list… I’m not looking forward to it! At least with my daughter I didn’t have to worry about her aim 😉
    #thelist
    Mumma McD recently posted…10 simple pleasures of a busy mummaMy Profile

  8. I enjoyed reading this. I have a 3 year old son. Number 3 is so true! My son is so emotional! Much more emotional than any of the girls I know of his age. I hope I never experience him playing on the ipad at 1.30am though! He is a bit too much of a scardey cat to get out of bed when it’s dark! #The List

  9. Love this blog I’m a mother of 2 boys one 4 and half and one two and half this post is so true love it thanks for making me have a laugh x

  10. Oh my gosh, what a brilliant post – I get it, I have a small boy too!! Love the bit about poo – my son is fascinated lol! The other morning he shouted to me from his bed “Muuuuuummy, I’ve done a poo and it STINKS!” – you’re telling me, I could smell it from my room! And then when I’m changing his bum (we aren’t potty trained yet…sigh) he’ll say “is it like a gruffalo poo mummy? or a dinosaur poo?”. Lovely! Love the pics of your boy asleep on his toy box 🙂 And on the ipad, what a monkey! #TheList
    Elaine @ Entertaining Elliot recently posted…Being a Blogger…My Profile

  11. Haha, so true! Toilet training was a nightmare with my son, but he’s now redeemed himself by being a very good aim, haha! My second child is a girl and I have to say I’m surprised at just how many boy qualities she has at the age of two. Very boisterous, loves saying poo-bum all day and rather fond of walloping her big brother!

  12. We know the ‘no pants’ stage very well! I have one boy and one girl – and to be honest I have trouble identifying the gender traits. With the exception of ‘no aim’ there isn’t much that separates them. Hello by the way, I’m Deb and visiting via the FYBF link up. 🙂

  13. Hehe, yep, mum to two boys here too. I’m pretty sure a lot of these apply to girls, but I was nodding my head all the way through. My kids are gross, and also have a weird and familiar (men in general, right?) fascination with their willies. And each others’ willies. They are hilariously, drop-of-the-hat moody and completely different from each other. And yep, they are most happy when they’re naked.

    I have friends with daughters who have reported similar behaviour. Either way, it is pretty entertaining and adorable. Loved this post – just ‘liked’ you over on Facebook. xx

    #BrilliantBlogPosts

  14. Ha ha, this is so true and very funny! As the mama to 2 boys and 1 girl, I can definietly relate. We are currently trying to potty train my 2 and a half year old at the moment, and we are having the same issue with poos. He refuses to do them anywhere other than his nappy. Oh well, it will come soon, I pray! Isn’t it funny how much we talk about poos now that we’re parents?!
    Fatima @ Baby Toddler Me recently posted…The truth about having 3 kids – the first 10 weeksMy Profile

    1. Oh gosh, you are way ahead of me, my 2.5 year old has yet to be potty trained. I think I am still traumitised by my first child! Haha. And yes, way too much talking about poos for my liking! Thanks for stopping by!
      Haidee recently posted…10 Phases of ToddlerdomMy Profile

  15. I love this post so much and I adore having boys, they are so affectionate and you are so right, they love their mummies. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogpots x

  16. Great post. Unfortunately I think numbers 1 and 2 aren’t just for little boys. I think it’s a problem for us throughout life. I loved number 6 as well. Very funny stuff. #wineandboobs

  17. This is such a brilliant post. As a mum of one boy, I agree on all points, although he refuses to be potty trained so I’m going to leave that one for a while. He is currently obsessed by his willy and constantly asks me questions about it, I try and explain I don’t have one but he won’t listen! He is also partial to a high pitch scream which always gets us a few looks when out!!
    Becky xx
    #Wineandboobs

  18. Bahahahaha this is laugh out loud do a little snort type of writing! I love this and it is so very true. My two year old is obsessed with me showing her the poo in her nappy and actually told me to shut up the other day. Hilarious! Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this post, gave me some much-needed light relief! X
    Amy recently posted…20 ways to drive traffic to your blogMy Profile

  19. Found your blog via #sharewithme and loved reading this. I have a step son but didn’t know him when he was younger so being just about to have a baby boy I’m fascinated and a little freaked out! I have a little girl already so the comparison will be fun! lol

  20. Oh I have a son so I can so relate to these so funny. Thank you ever so much for linking up to SWM and the amazing linky/blog support. It means the world to me that people come back again and again to share their amazing blogs. I hope this year is no different. It’s great to get to know more blogs and I love reading each post every week and sharing them. You have such a lovely blog here. I wish you a huge happy new year!!!

  21. I have six girls -no boys. But I grew up with five brothers. This is great! Once my little brother decided to use my dress shoes as the toilet. I, of course, had to throw them away. 🙁 “Shut your mouth,” eh? Too funny! Great post and very enlightening. 🙂

  22. I have a teenage boy and a 6 year old boy. They fight CONSTANTLY! Are gross (luckily have their own bathroom) and at times can rattle my nerves more than my 2 girls. Great read. Will be pinning to my Pinterest board “blogs to read”.

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