Comedy of Errors: A set of amusing or farcical events involving a series of awkward missteps or other mistakes.
I have been seriously procrastinating booking my puppy’s spey operation (aka desexing or getting fixed) for the past several months for two reasons:
ONE. The exorbitant cost (always starts at one thing but add all the ‘optional’ extras that are ‘Up to you but it could save your dogs life to have this $83 blood test because then we can see that she’s healthy. But it is fully optional, no pressure. You don’t have to have it but if you don’t we won’t know if she could have an adverse reaction. Entirely optional though’); and
TWO. Hands up who loves to look after a dog with a slit in their tummy and a cone on their head that irritates the shit out of them? Didn’t think so.
Well, I finally booked her in for it last Friday. We came home from a family holiday on Monday and I googled and panicked when I read that dogs can come into heat anywhere from 6 months old and she’s 8 months. Who wants a bleeding dog?! No friggin way. So I booked it.
3 year old child: ‘Mummy, my ear hurts! It really hurts!’. Crap, ear infection. Time to make an appointment with the doctor but the doctor is in our suburb and I work in the city so I’ll have to take time off work. 1 hour later ‘It doesn’t hurt, I was just saying that’. Scrap plans for doctors appointment.
Husband: ‘I have a terrible toothache. It’s killing me. I’m going to have to go to the dentist’.
3 year old crying hysterically in distress ‘My ear hurts!’. Luckily had made an appointment for Friday morning doctor visit just in case. Phew!
Husband: ‘I made an appointment at the dentist for tomorrow morning. I haven’t slept for agony in two nights. It’s going to be expensive’.
‘Oh, and by the way, our warrant just expired on the car and we need new tires’.
What is worse than a vet visit on the bank accounts? A dentist visit and a mechanics visit. But all at once?! Yeah, a few choice words may have been said.
3.30AM: Wake to godawful gagging sound. In sleep haze realise sound is coming from 3 year old child in my bed. Suddenly wake up in a panic and lurch up only to realise it’s too late. Not only do I have vomit in my bed and on my child but I have vomit in my hair and all over me. Race to shower with crying gagging child and decide that it is now 4.15am and my alarm is set for 5am so I might as well stay up. Husband changes sheets while complaining he has only had one hour sleep for pain in his mouth.
7AM: Race kids out the door with dog in tow. Get in car and turn key and car key snaps in half. Of course.
7.15AM: Manage to semi-rescue key enough to get car started. Race to get 5 year old to before school care and dog to vet. Find out all about hidden extra costs and have slight panic attack. Return to car and realise I’m running late. So what happens? The petrol light comes on. Of course! Did I mention it is also pissing down with rain?
8.30AM: After racing detour to petrol station arrive at doctors in just the knick of time. Find out child has a very infected ear at the point of just about to rupture. Red, swollen and pussy. Leave chemist with two large bags full of medication.
9AM: Husband calls. Had a hole through back molar exposing the nerve. Root canal = $1800. Extract tooth = $300. Advises he extracted tooth (thank god for that!)
10AM: Very unhappy husband comes home and I race into the city to grab my work to bring home for the weekend because tearful unhappy child (not to mention husband!) needs me at home and won’t let me out of his sight. Poor boy. Poor me.
4PM: Pick up very unhappy puppy from the vets. Say goodbye to $500. Dog has a cone on her head that she explicitly does not like.
6AM: Wake to torrential rain. Go in the lounge to let out crying dog from crate only to find that she has had runny poos overnight and tromped it through her crate, bedding and all. Clean that mess up while in the meantime she pisses on the couch (thankfully covered with a mink blanket). Threaten to get rid of her.
Go to the laundry to dispose of poo soaked bedding and find it has flooded overnight as 3 days of non stop rain have leaked through crappy back door. Step over piles of washing to dry it.
4PM: Realise that child asleep on couch has wet their pants all over OTHER mink blanket. Torrential rain means no chance of doing any washing. Add blanket to Mt Washmore in despair. Child now won’t go to bed tonight because of sleep. Cries and clings to me. Puppy cries because I put her back in her cage and she bangs her head unhappily against the bars because CONE. Tips over water and spills food everywhere in her unhappiness. Rain continues. Husband snores happily on couch. Think about running away.
Dog pees on sons bed. More washing.
Dog pees on sons bed again. WTF?! Banished to crate.
This Morning …
Dog pees on sons bed AfuckingGAIN. No idea why dog is doing this and have been trying to keeps doors shut but CHILDREN. Dog can now live in crate forever.
Things can only get better this week right?! Does anyone want a dog?
Have you ever had a comedy of errors or disasters such as this all at once?
Linking up with: #IBOT @ Kylie Purtell