Squeezes your brain into a big pile of mush.
How do you know when enough is enough? To stop pushing the things that aren’t coming naturally to fit into your days? For me blogging has become one of those things. I started off with a hiss and a roar, wrote some of the best things that I have ever written in my life and then I just all of a sudden ran out of words. Some of the things I felt compelled to write were cathartic. Healing. Some were controversial in a sense (gender disappointment is a known topic of derision) and some were ‘tie your tummy up in knots’ nerve wracking to publish (hello hunt for the father who doesn’t know I exist – now the potential father who does know I exist but claims never to have met my mother so either she lied for some reason or he’s in denial/has a terrible memory). The posts I wrote about mum were probably the most healing of the lot. Losing a parent is probably going to happen to all of you at some time in your lifetime and it’s a lonely experience. I think whether you are young or old, it doesn’t make the pain any easier. Some could argue fairness (hell, I know I did! In what world does losing your life to cancer at 43 seem fair?) but that’s life isn’t it. Unpredictable at best, heartbreaking at worst.
My fun posts about my boys were probably my favourite. I started this blog in humour before touching on more serious notes. I love to write in humour, it’s how I live my life. Full of jokes and sarcasm and way too many swear words! But this winter has been a rough one with sickness and a bit of a crazy busy schedule of a new routine with a new school starter (in NZ they start school on their actual 5th birthday). After a thorough back and forth over the potential fit for him at a few schools, we decided on one outside of our suburb. A 15 minute drive to be precise (20 in traffic) and that has altered my entire morning. I do one drop off of the youngest in my area before driving to drop off the other and stay with him until the bell rings, then drive to the train station to park, catch the train, walk to work starting at 10am these days (but leaving the house at 8.15am!). I then work until 5.30pm, walk back to the train station and catch the 6pm train to my car and drive home, generally arriving at 6.50pm. By the time I get the kids settled to bed and sit down it’s between 8 and 9pm. And of course I need to be in bed by 10pm to have any semblance of enough sleep to be energetic enough to pull it off the next day! Is it little wonder my brain is too fried to find the extra brain power to write?
I’ve spoken to lots of bloggers lately who have felt the same. With winter comes sickness, darkness and cold. Cold is best tackled with a warm blanket on the couch and a marathon of addictive mind numbing television. Or a book and a hot coffee. Or bed with its electric blanket and a dog or cat asleep on your feet. I can’t speak for everyone but I think when you are frying your brain with a busy schedule it can stomp all over your capacity to form coherent words. That’s how I feel.
I love my little slice of the internet but I’ve decided that I need to refill my glass to the top to be able to form the words to write here, at least to write something of substance. So yes, I’m sporadic in my posts. I’m not saying goodbye, I’m just saying sorry that my writing is a little infrequent at the moment! Until I get something better in place with my routine (if I can!) I won’t be writing as frequently. But I will be writing sometimes. I hope you can bear with me!
Do you ever get burned out and give up on something you used to love? Do you ever take time out for you?